Tired

It's been a cold few weeks, and rainy. The kind of weather that just makes you want to stay indoors, tucked under a blanket and take a nap. I wish I could say that this sudden exhaustion was a sign of Pregnancy and that you were on your way but the truth is that last week was the Pella Iowa trip with the band, next week is Leadership Camp and there is only 4 weeks of school left this year, so really it is just a combination of all of that. But this weekend should be fun at least. Kelly and mom and I are meeting Abby and Cheryl to go to a glass bead making class. I am looking forward to it and to time with family. Also I must admit to being really excited to see Abby again. Ever since we started emailing I feel there is a bond like we have never had before. And now that she is pregnant I am thrilled for her... I know it is too early for her to be showing yet but that would be a lot of fun.

More on Grandparents

We are just starting the waiting game, If you are there it is too early to take a pregency test and tell so for now there is nothing I can do but work on my paitence since I am no good at that I thought I would tell you more about your grandparents.

First I forgot to share Papa's Prayer with you. When you are older I will teach you but here it goes
Oh Lord with all my wants and needs supplied
My thirst and hunger satisfied
I pray accept my thanks and praise
for loving care sustaining grace

We thank thee for the living word
the gospel message daily heard
and pray that we may live with thee
from now through all eternity
Amen

Now to your other set of Great Grandparents. Grandma and Grandpa Stouten. They too were grounded in the word of Christ. Grandma made sure that tithing came first no matter how tight money was there was always someone who needed it more then you. Then she always made sure the family got together and there was plenty to eat. The taste of regular coke and the smell of the lake early in the morning will always remind me of her. She had a heart that never stopped giving. Grandpa Stouten is still alive, hopefully you will get to know him. But he is not who he always was. When I was a kid he was strong and tall a ball player. At 70 he was still hitting 80 mph balls at the batting cages. He started his own business and grew it to be a strong healthy company. He loved to fish and loved to sing. A few strokes and a new wife have not helped him age well, but I still hope you will get a chance to know him.

The bulk of family history is a long tale for another day. But know 2 Tim

Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy; When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy great great grandmother Kate, and then thy great grandparents Ed and Audry, Don and Jackie, Lloyd and Norma and thy grandparents, Dann and Carol and Paul and Karie and thy father Adam; and I am persuaded that in thee also. (I may have changed a few words but you understand)

Going Backwards

I guess I should go backwards a little and explain. And today is as good as any day, so here goes.. A year ago I had a miscarriage. And since then both Papa and Grandma went to be with Jesus. There is part of me that feels like I robbed you of a chance to know them. Papa, my mom's dad was one of those strong silent types, he loved the Lord and he always put his family first. He worked hard and he played harder, and Grandma was the same way. She loved baseball and candy and she had a way of making everything into a game, she was the life of the party and I would be proud if anyone ever said I grew up to be just like her. If you are a little girl I plan to name you after her.

This year has been one of sorrow and heartaches and troubles but hopefully that is behind us all now and we know that Papa and Gram are somewhere better. We find hope in the Lord that he has a plan. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you Plans to give you hope and a Future."Jeremiah 29:11. The lord will provide he has plan and his plan is always better then ours even when we don't think so.

Trying and Waiting

For anyone who has not been there you can not understand what it is like to try and to wait. Having a baby is too easy for stupid young kids and too hard for married couples in love. Why is that. How come some people can have a baby so easily and for others it will always be so hard. It is a question I have for God someday. Why? Untill then there is little I can do but wait. Two weeks to know if maybe you are growing inside me and if not another month until... I have no patience for waiting. There is nothing else to say.

Begining

I am going to start writing to you even though you do not yet exist. I want you to know your story, hopefully it will help you find your way in the future. When your father and I got married we always told people we would have kids in 3-5 years. 3 years came and went, then so did 5. It is not that we did not want to have kids just that we were not ready yet. He wanted to finish school I wanted my masters and tenure and there always seemed like a reason to wait... but now here I sit longing so much to hold you in my arms I could just burst. We have only been trying to conceive for a few months but it seems like forever. Your Aunt Abby is pregnant and I am happy for her but I am also filled with the green eyed monster, I want it to be my turn. Thoughts of you fill my mind, waking or sleeping little else seems of value or importance. So I am going to start writing to you. I guess I do not really know why, honestly it is probably more for me then you. A way to fill the empty void where you belong. I do not know you yet but I want you to know that I love you. I am sure you think that is impossible for me to know already but it’s true. Someday you will understand what I mean. But for now it is just enough to know I love you.