I don't know what the nurse sees but (Girl?)

You waving at your dad and I

Your heartbeat

You little leg

Your cute little face in profile

Your room

Your room is coming along, this weekend your dad got the curtains and blinds hung and I worked on your wardrobe. It got painted green, then Dr. Seuss characters were added and finally new hardware. Later today we are headed over to Aunt Nancy's to get your crib. (A hand-me-down from Karly, Grant and Kirsten.) I think I like working on things for your room just to cement the idea that you are really coming. Only 128 more days and you will be here. Your dad and I are both getting very excited, and seeing your cousin Austin for the first time this week just made us even more excited. I pray for you every day, that you will be strong, healthy and happy. Know that I love you.

All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
and great shall be the peace of your children.

—Isaiah 54:13

Pictures for your room

Today has been a long dull day with parent teacher conferences so I spent the day working on making these pictures for your room, all of them are characters that did not make it on your beautiful Dr. Seuss wardrobe so I thought they could go on the wall somewhere to decorate. Your room is coming along, your dad moved his stuff out and turned the smaller bedroom into his office, so now your room is ready to start collecting things for you. So far there is the wardrobe (I'll post a pic. when it is done) and a glider chair. The chair is really a gift from your great-grandma Jackie. I think this weekend we will visit Aunt Nancy and get your crib, (we will be borrowing hers). So in some ways we are beginning to get ready for you to come...But please don't rush, you are only 21 weeks, Stay safe and healthy, and know that you are always on my mind.

Hiding

Well I would have posted sooner, excited to know your gender and thus your name, but you hid from the doctor. I guess as much as I was ready to see you, you were just not willing to be known yet. So it was a disappointing day... but I am guessing this will not be the only time in life that you decide to go your own way, do you own thing, in-spite of what I might want. Just know wherever you go, whatever you do I will always love you. You will always be my baby and nothing in the world can change that. In the same way you will always be a child of God. No matter what happens, no matter what you think that you have done that is unforgivable he will always love you, always be there for you, always forgive you. Our family can be good proof of that. Your grandpa Stouten, my dad, was a wild child back in his youth, he was brought home to great-grandma Audrey by the cops more than once, he had a rocky time in school, and overall at times seemed to be determined to go his own way. But God had a plan and a path for him. After several very successful years in the car business God called him into ministry, away from the money and from a job he was good at. He and my mom walked bravely into a new life, with three little kids in tow. I am sure it is not what he planed but it was God's. In the end, God's plan is always better then ours, it was my plan to see you on Nov 12, but God decided we should wait. So Dec.8 we will see you again. Please don't hide.

Ultrasound today

It is hard to believe that you are 20 weeks already. That means only 20 more and you will be here. Hopefully we will get some good pictures of you today and find out if you are a boy or a girl.

Since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.

— Colossians 1:9 (NIV)

Size

Heartbbeat

Today I went to see the Dr. He was wonderful, answered all my questions and at the end I got to hear your little heart beat. Thud, Thud, Thud, Thud, Thud. There has never been a better sound. It might be the hormones but it was one of the few times I know of that I was so happy I cried. Just to know you are really truly there and that you are healthy is all I needed.

I thank my God every time I think of you. 1 Phil:3

Mallow

A few weeks ago the web sites said you were the size of a prune. Your father decided prunes were bad, wrinkly, smelly and not great tasting. So he said you should be something more fun then prunes. So came the idea that a prune and a marshmallow were very similar in size, and marshmallows are sweet, and soft and overall yummy. So we started calling you mallow. And thus far it has stuck. I think your name might be mallow until we know if you are a boy or girl (8 more weeks). Tomorrow I get to go into the doctors office again, I am hoping to hear the sound of your heart beating just so I will know that all is well with you. The whole family knows and everyone is giddy excited that you are coming. Aunt Kate and Kelly are nuts. Toys and clothes and things have already come for you. If I am not careful they will spoil you rotten.

Sweet Pea

According to the ipod ap you are now the size of a pea. How fast you grow and change. It is with great excitement and anticipation that I look forward to this upcoming week. Friday we go away, take a break and then next week it is time to paint the mural at school. And Tuesday will be our first doctors apt. for you. Assuming all goes well then it will be time to tell the grandparents and your aunts and uncles. I know they will all be thrilled to know you are on your way. I think we will wait a while yet to let anyone else know but I am so ready to start telling people.

5 weeks

Technically you are 5 weeks. You are nothing more then a bundle of cells the size of an orange seed but you have changed everything. Very quickly you have become the center of my life and your dads, you are all we talk about. How do we set up your room? What should your name be? Will I work...stay home? So many unanswered questions. We have not told anyone about you yet. Waiting for the first doctors apt. just to be sure. Truthfully I am so excited about you I do not even care about morning sickness. I am just so glad you are on your way. Be strong and stay healthy.

Psalms 139
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Tired

It's been a cold few weeks, and rainy. The kind of weather that just makes you want to stay indoors, tucked under a blanket and take a nap. I wish I could say that this sudden exhaustion was a sign of Pregnancy and that you were on your way but the truth is that last week was the Pella Iowa trip with the band, next week is Leadership Camp and there is only 4 weeks of school left this year, so really it is just a combination of all of that. But this weekend should be fun at least. Kelly and mom and I are meeting Abby and Cheryl to go to a glass bead making class. I am looking forward to it and to time with family. Also I must admit to being really excited to see Abby again. Ever since we started emailing I feel there is a bond like we have never had before. And now that she is pregnant I am thrilled for her... I know it is too early for her to be showing yet but that would be a lot of fun.

More on Grandparents

We are just starting the waiting game, If you are there it is too early to take a pregency test and tell so for now there is nothing I can do but work on my paitence since I am no good at that I thought I would tell you more about your grandparents.

First I forgot to share Papa's Prayer with you. When you are older I will teach you but here it goes
Oh Lord with all my wants and needs supplied
My thirst and hunger satisfied
I pray accept my thanks and praise
for loving care sustaining grace

We thank thee for the living word
the gospel message daily heard
and pray that we may live with thee
from now through all eternity
Amen

Now to your other set of Great Grandparents. Grandma and Grandpa Stouten. They too were grounded in the word of Christ. Grandma made sure that tithing came first no matter how tight money was there was always someone who needed it more then you. Then she always made sure the family got together and there was plenty to eat. The taste of regular coke and the smell of the lake early in the morning will always remind me of her. She had a heart that never stopped giving. Grandpa Stouten is still alive, hopefully you will get to know him. But he is not who he always was. When I was a kid he was strong and tall a ball player. At 70 he was still hitting 80 mph balls at the batting cages. He started his own business and grew it to be a strong healthy company. He loved to fish and loved to sing. A few strokes and a new wife have not helped him age well, but I still hope you will get a chance to know him.

The bulk of family history is a long tale for another day. But know 2 Tim

Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy; When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy great great grandmother Kate, and then thy great grandparents Ed and Audry, Don and Jackie, Lloyd and Norma and thy grandparents, Dann and Carol and Paul and Karie and thy father Adam; and I am persuaded that in thee also. (I may have changed a few words but you understand)

Going Backwards

I guess I should go backwards a little and explain. And today is as good as any day, so here goes.. A year ago I had a miscarriage. And since then both Papa and Grandma went to be with Jesus. There is part of me that feels like I robbed you of a chance to know them. Papa, my mom's dad was one of those strong silent types, he loved the Lord and he always put his family first. He worked hard and he played harder, and Grandma was the same way. She loved baseball and candy and she had a way of making everything into a game, she was the life of the party and I would be proud if anyone ever said I grew up to be just like her. If you are a little girl I plan to name you after her.

This year has been one of sorrow and heartaches and troubles but hopefully that is behind us all now and we know that Papa and Gram are somewhere better. We find hope in the Lord that he has a plan. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you Plans to give you hope and a Future."Jeremiah 29:11. The lord will provide he has plan and his plan is always better then ours even when we don't think so.

Trying and Waiting

For anyone who has not been there you can not understand what it is like to try and to wait. Having a baby is too easy for stupid young kids and too hard for married couples in love. Why is that. How come some people can have a baby so easily and for others it will always be so hard. It is a question I have for God someday. Why? Untill then there is little I can do but wait. Two weeks to know if maybe you are growing inside me and if not another month until... I have no patience for waiting. There is nothing else to say.

Begining

I am going to start writing to you even though you do not yet exist. I want you to know your story, hopefully it will help you find your way in the future. When your father and I got married we always told people we would have kids in 3-5 years. 3 years came and went, then so did 5. It is not that we did not want to have kids just that we were not ready yet. He wanted to finish school I wanted my masters and tenure and there always seemed like a reason to wait... but now here I sit longing so much to hold you in my arms I could just burst. We have only been trying to conceive for a few months but it seems like forever. Your Aunt Abby is pregnant and I am happy for her but I am also filled with the green eyed monster, I want it to be my turn. Thoughts of you fill my mind, waking or sleeping little else seems of value or importance. So I am going to start writing to you. I guess I do not really know why, honestly it is probably more for me then you. A way to fill the empty void where you belong. I do not know you yet but I want you to know that I love you. I am sure you think that is impossible for me to know already but it’s true. Someday you will understand what I mean. But for now it is just enough to know I love you.